My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
