I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
