It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
