Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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