We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
