Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
