Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
