thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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