Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
