i already hear my dad disowning me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
