Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
