youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
