i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
