Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
