my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
