Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
