is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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