y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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