I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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