this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
