If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
