I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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