JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
