every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
