First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think my moral compass just broke
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
