dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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