Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
