FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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