Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
