I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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