i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
