ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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