Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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