I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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