You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
