So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize