cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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