a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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