Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
