you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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