im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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