Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
