Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
