I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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