the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize