he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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