I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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