just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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