Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My bed smells like the plague
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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