bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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