I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
