I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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