your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
