Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize