Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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