finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
